The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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