is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
