; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
