how can u be prego again
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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