You can't motorboat a personality
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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