YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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