I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
