I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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