So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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