I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
