My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
