hotel room ftw
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
