remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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