It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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