last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
