I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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