I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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