do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
