I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
