I should be sponsored by Trojan
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
