I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
