i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
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