i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
