seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
