btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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