Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
