I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
