Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
