I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
