remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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