wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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