I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
