sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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