Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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