Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
