we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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