did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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