is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
