worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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