My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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