Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
