I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
