He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
