At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
