I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I didn't notice because vodka
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
