is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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