Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Randomize
