Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
