Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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