Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
