My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
